I'm a Human Inbox

Friday, November 11, 2005

Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex: The Dangers of Superman Mating

[Media: Article]

Although I have on occasion entertained the idea of how Superman could possibly have sex with Lois Lane, or reproduce at all, I have never gone into intricate details. The author of this essay though, definitely has.

First we must collect the semen. The globules will emerge at transsonic speeds. Superman must first ejaculate, then fly frantically after the stuff to catch it in a test tube. We assume that he is on the Moon, both for privacy and to prevent the semen from exploding into vapor on hitting the air at such speeds.

He can catch the semen, of course, before it evaporates in vacuum. He's faster than a speeding bullet.

This essay made me laugh pretty hard, there are a lot of hilarious trains of thought here. My only issue is that he eventually dismisses Supergirl as a possible candidate. If one needed to extend the survival of the species, I would think that being first cousins wouldn't be much of a problem. Also, at the very least Supergirl would make a good surrogate mother.

I feel totally lame for arguing over Superman's sex life.